The Difference Between Self-Care & Self-Soothing

You’re feeling overwhelmed, so you light a candle, put on your favourite show, or scroll for a while to distract yourself. It helps—for a bit. But the stress comes right back. You might wonder, Is this self-care? Or am I just avoiding things?

The truth is, there’s a big difference between self-care and self-soothing, and both play an important role in emotional well-being. But understanding how they’re different (and when to use which) can make all the difference in how supported and balanced you feel.

Let’s break it down.

What Is Self-Soothing?

Self-soothing is all about immediate comfort. It’s what we do to help ourselves feel better in the moment when emotions run high. These are the things that help us come down from stress, overwhelm, anxiety, or emotional pain.

Examples of self-soothing:

• Wrapping yourself in a blanket

• Watching comfort shows or movies

• Scrolling social media

• Eating a favourite snack

• Listening to calming music

• Rocking, humming, or gentle movement

Self-soothing is not “bad” or something to avoid. It’s a vital coping skill, especially for those who didn’t learn healthy regulation tools early in life. In fact, self-soothing helps your nervous system return to baseline so you can think clearly, reconnect, and make decisions from a calmer place.

The key is intention—are you using the strategy to care for yourself or to disconnect from what you’re feeling?

What Is Self-Care?

Self-care is about long-term support. These are the choices you make that nourish your well-being not just in the moment, but over time. Self-care isn’t always relaxing—it can look like setting boundaries, going to therapy, or finally scheduling that doctor’s appointment.

Examples of self-care:

• Getting enough sleep

• Moving your body regularly

• Saying no to something you don’t have capacity for

• Eating meals that sustain you

• Going to therapy or journaling

• Making time for meaningful connection

Self-care often requires more energy and commitment—but the return is deeper. It helps you build resilience, feel more emotionally regulated, and prevent burnout over time.

Why You Need Both

Self-soothing is what gets you through the tough moments. Self-care is what helps reduce how often those tough moments happen. One is immediate relief; the other is sustainable healing.

Think of it this way:

• You self-soothe to get back into balance.

• You self-care to stay in balance longer.

Both are valid. Both are necessary.

The problem comes when we only self-soothe and call it self-care. A face mask won’t fix chronic stress. A Netflix binge won’t solve burnout. But that doesn’t mean those things are bad—they just need to be paired with deeper care, too.

How to Know Which One You Need

Ask yourself:

• Am I trying to feel better or be better supported?

• Will this help me in the moment or help me long-term, or both?

• What do I actually need right now—comfort or structure?

You might need a nap (self-soothing), and later, to examine why you’ve been so tired (self-care). You might need a social media break (self-soothing) and eventually to set boundaries around screen time (self-care).

There’s no shame in choosing short-term comfort. But don’t forget to follow it with care that supports the deeper layers of you, too.

Let It Be Both

You don’t have to choose between a cozy night in and finally calling your therapist. You can rest and reflect. Comfort and heal. Self-soothe and self-care.

That’s what sustainable wellness actually looks like—meeting yourself where you are, with compassion, and gently guiding yourself to where you want to go.

Struggling to Find What You Need?

If you’re feeling stuck in a cycle of emotional exhaustion and quick fixes, you're not alone.

Book a free consultation today and get support that helps you not just cope, but heal, grow, and feel more grounded in your life.