How to Stop Chasing Emotional Highs in Love

That dizzy, heart-racing, can’t-stop-thinking-about-them feeling? It’s intoxicating. For many women in their 20s–40s, the rush of new love feels almost addictive. But what happens when the high wears off—and you find yourself restless, anxious, or craving the next spark?

This isn’t about being “too dramatic” or “bad at relationships.” It’s about how your nervous system and brain are wired to seek safety and connection—even if sometimes it gets tangled with intensity.

The Science: Love and the Brain’s Reward System

Here’s the neuroscience piece (without the jargon):

• Falling in love activates the brain’s dopamine system, the same one that responds to pleasure, novelty, and reward.

• If you’ve experienced trauma or inconsistent attachment, your brain may confuse intensity with safety. Chaos feels “normal” because calmness once felt unsafe or unfamiliar.

• Emotional highs can become a survival strategy—your body chasing intensity because it once learned that safety didn’t last.

It’s not your fault. Your brain is just doing what it thinks keeps you connected.

How Chasing Emotional Highs Shows Up in Love

• Feeling restless in calm, stable relationships—like something must be “wrong.”

• Mistaking jealousy, chaos, or emotional rollercoasters for passion.

• Constantly seeking validation, reassurance, or dramatic gestures.

• Pulling away when things feel steady, then craving the rush of reconciliation.

These patterns don’t mean you’re broken—they mean your nervous system hasn’t yet learned to recognize safety as satisfying.

Reframing: Calm Love Isn’t Boring—It’s Regulating

Here’s the shift: healthy love doesn’t always come with fireworks. Often, it feels like ease, steadiness, and support. If that feels boring, it might be because your system is still wired for the highs and lows of uncertainty.

Real intimacy isn’t in the “chase.” It’s in the moments where you can exhale, be seen, and trust you’re not about to be abandoned.

Gentle Tools to Stop Chasing Highs in Love

• Get curious about your patterns. When you feel the urge for a rush, pause and ask: “Am I craving love—or am I craving intensity?”

  
  

• Notice how your body responds. Highs often feel like racing, tightening, urgency. Safety feels like a softening. Start tracking the difference.

  
  

• Practice tolerating calm. Instead of running from steady love, sit with it. Let your nervous system learn that calm doesn’t mean danger—it means safe connection.

  
  

• Seek novelty in healthy ways. Adventure, play, creativity, and shared experiences can bring excitement without chaos.

  
  

• If this feels overwhelming: A therapist can help you gently rewire attachment patterns so stability feels nourishing, not suffocating.

A Gentle Reminder

Chasing emotional highs in love isn’t about being “addicted to drama.” It’s about survival strategies your nervous system once needed. You can learn to find joy in steadiness, to let calm love feel exciting, and to choose partners who bring safety instead of storms.

Call to Action

If you’re tired of love feeling like a rollercoaster, therapy can help you create relationships rooted in steadiness and security. Book a free 15-minute consultation today to start your healing journey.