How to Help a Loved One with Depression (Without Trying to ‘Fix’ Them)

When someone you care about is struggling with depression, it’s natural to want to make things better. You might find yourself offering advice, suggesting solutions, or trying to cheer them up. But here’s the truth: depression isn’t something you can fix, and trying to do so can unintentionally make your loved one feel unseen.

Support doesn’t have to be about changing their emotions. It’s about sitting beside them in the dark, even when you don’t have a flashlight.

Let’s talk about how to support someone with depression in a way that’s compassionate, respectful, and truly helpful.

What Depression Actually Feels Like

Depression is more than sadness. It can look like irritability, emotional numbness, exhaustion, hopelessness, or a deep sense of disconnection. For many people, even simple tasks like showering, replying to messages, or getting out of bed can feel impossible.

That means someone with depression isn’t being lazy, dramatic, or distant—they’re trying to survive a mental health condition that changes the way they think, feel, and function.

Understanding that depression isn’t a problem to be “solved” is the first step toward showing up meaningfully.

What Not to Say

Even well-meaning phrases can hurt when someone is in a depressive episode.

Try to avoid:

• “Just think positive.”

• “You have so much to be grateful for.”

• “It could be worse.”

• “You need to try harder.”

• “But you seemed fine yesterday.”

These comments, even if well-intended, can minimize the pain or place blame. Depression doesn’t disappear with effort alone, and healing doesn’t follow a straight line.

What to Say Instead

You don’t need the perfect words—you just need empathy.

Try saying:

• “I’m here for you. You don’t have to go through this alone.”

• “You don’t have to talk if you don’t want to, but I’ll sit with you.”

• “What you’re feeling is valid, and I’m not going anywhere.”

• “Would it feel okay if I checked in tomorrow?”

• “I may not understand exactly how you feel, but I want to.”

Let them guide the pace of the conversation. Your presence matters more than your advice.

How to Offer Support Without Pressure

Trying to help someone can sometimes come across as pushing. Instead, offer low-pressure, tangible ways to support:

• Bring them food or help with small tasks like laundry or groceries.

• Invite them for a walk, even if they say no—it shows consistency.

• Let them know you’re thinking of them, even without expecting a reply.

• Offer to help find a therapist, if they’re open to it, but don’t push.

• Encourage them to take small steps and celebrate those with warmth, not pressure.

The goal isn’t to fix—it’s to accompany.

Take Care of Yourself, Too

Supporting someone with depression can be emotionally draining. You’re allowed to feel confused, helpless, or even frustrated. That doesn’t make you a bad supporter—it makes you human.

Set your own boundaries when needed. Talk to a therapist, journal your thoughts, or lean on your own support system. Caring for yourself allows you to show up with greater compassion and resilience.

You Can’t Heal Them, But You Can Help Them Feel Less Alone

Being there consistently—without trying to change or fix them—is one of the most powerful things you can do for someone with depression. Your presence may not make the depression go away, but it reminds them they’re still loved, still worthy, and not alone in the struggle.

If you’re unsure how to support a loved one or are feeling overwhelmed yourself, you don’t have to figure it out alone. Book a free consultation today, and let’s talk about how to support your loved one and yourself with care, clarity, and compassion.