How to Stop Seeking Validation from Others

Why We Crave External Validation (And Why It’s So Draining)

It’s human to want to feel seen, understood, and accepted. Validation can feel like oxygen, especially if you grew up in an environment where approval was rare or conditional. But when your self-worth hinges on others’ praise, likes, or reassurance, you end up living someone else’s life.

You second-guess your decisions. You shrink to avoid conflict. You perform instead of showing up authentically.

And the worst part? No amount of validation is ever enough. If you don’t learn to stop seeking validation from others, you’ll continue to feel like you’re always chasing something that’s just out of reach.

The Problem with Chasing Approval

Seeking validation isn’t always obvious.

It can show up as:

• Asking for reassurance over and over

• Struggling to make decisions alone

• Overexplaining or apologizing constantly

• Feeling crushed by criticism—or even neutral feedback

• Shaping your personality to match who you’re with

When you rely on other people to tell you you’re good enough, lovable enough, smart enough… You hand over the keys to your self-worth. And that’s a heavy burden for anyone else to carry.

How to Start Trusting Yourself Again

Learning how to stop seeking validation from others doesn’t mean you stop caring altogether—it means you learn to source your worth from within.

Here’s how to start:

• Notice the Pattern

  Start tracking when and why you seek approval. Is it around certain people? After making decisions? Just noticing the urge can create space between you and the need.

  
  

• Ask: What Do I Think?

  Before you ask for someone else’s input, pause. What do you believe? What outcome would feel most true to you?

  
  

• Practice “Good Enough” Decisions

  Not every choice needs to be perfect. Let yourself make a decision that’s good enough—and let that be a win. You don’t need a round of applause to trust your own voice.

  
  

• Build Emotional Safety

  Self-trust grows in emotionally safe environments. Speak to yourself with compassion. Surround yourself with people who respect your autonomy—even when you disagree.

  
  

• Feel the Discomfort Without Fixing It

  It’s going to feel uncomfortable at first. That itch to people-please or ask for approval won’t vanish overnight. But each time you sit with that discomfort and choose yourself anyway, you’re rewiring your nervous system toward self-trust.

Validation Isn’t Bad—But It’s Not a Substitute for Self-Worth

We’re wired for connection, so seeking validation isn’t a character flaw—it’s a survival strategy. But it’s one that often outlives its usefulness.

You deserve to live a life that’s not dictated by other people’s opinions. You’re allowed to make choices that not everyone agrees with. You’re allowed to feel proud of yourself without needing anyone else to clap.

Ready to Reclaim Your Voice?

If you’re tired of constantly questioning yourself and want to learn how to stop seeking validation from others, support is available. Therapy can help you untangle old patterns, build self-trust, and reconnect with the version of you that knows you’re already enough.

Book a free consultation today and take the first step toward living from your own truth, not someone else’s approval.