How to Support Someone Who Is Grieving (Without Saying the Wrong Thing)

When someone you care about is grieving, it’s natural to want to help. But finding the right thing to say can feel like walking a tightrope. You don’t want to say the wrong thing, make it worse, or come across as insensitive. You just want them to feel loved, supported, and less alone.

But grief is complicated—and so is comfort.

Here’s what actually helps when supporting someone who’s grieving, and how to show up in a way that truly meets them where they are.

Why Grief Doesn’t Follow a Script

First, it’s important to know: grief doesn’t come with a timeline. There’s no “right” way to grieve, no magic words that make it easier, and no stage that guarantees the pain is over.

Grief can look like tears, silence, laughter, numbness, irritability, or all of the above in a single day.

So when you’re trying to support someone who is grieving, the goal isn’t to fix their grief. The goal is to be a steady, gentle presence while they feel it.

What Not to Say to Someone Who’s Grieving

Even with the best intentions, certain phrases can feel minimizing or dismissive to someone in deep pain.

Here are a few common ones to avoid:

• “They’re in a better place.”

• “At least they lived a long life.”

• “Everything happens for a reason.”

• “Be strong.”

• “Let me know if you need anything.”

While these phrases may seem comforting, they often unintentionally bypass the person’s actual pain. Grief isn’t something to be silver-lined—it’s something to be witnessed.

What to Say Instead

You don’t have to have the perfect words. In fact, some of the most comforting things are simple and heartfelt:

• “I’m so sorry. I’m here with you.”

• “This is so hard. I’m thinking of you every day.”

• “I don’t know what to say, but I’m here to listen.”

• “Would it help to talk about them?”

• “Can I bring you dinner or sit with you for a while?”

The key is honesty, humility, and presence. You’re not there to solve grief. You’re there to walk beside it.

How to Support Through Action (Not Just Words)

Sometimes, people who are grieving don’t have the energy or clarity to ask for help.

That’s why offering specific, low-pressure support can make a big difference:

• Drop off meals (without expecting conversation)

• Send a gentle check-in text: “No pressure to reply—just letting you know I’m thinking of you.”

• Offer to run errands or help with logistics

• Invite them to join you for something low-key, like a walk or a coffee

• Remember anniversaries: Mark the date in your calendar and send a message when it comes up

  
  

Being there consistently—even months after the loss—is one of the most powerful gifts you can give.

If You’re Worried About Saying the Wrong Thing...

That’s okay. It means you care.

Grief is tender, personal, and unpredictable. And while no one gets it perfectly right, showing up with compassion matters far more than saying the “right” words.

You don’t need a script. You just need to be real.

Supporting Someone Through Grief Isn’t Always Easy—But It’s Always Worth It

You don’t have to fix their pain. You just have to hold space for it.

If you or someone you love is navigating grief and looking for guidance or support, we're here to help. Book a free consultation today, and let’s talk about ways to support emotional healing at your own pace and in your own way.