How to Tell If You’re Distracting Yourself With “Healing” Work

You’re journaling, meditating, doing yoga, reading self-help books, maybe even listening to five podcasts a week about personal growth. You’re doing the work—but still, something feels off.

You might wonder: Why am I still anxious? Why do I feel like I’m never “healed enough”?

For many people—especially women in their 20s to 40s—healing can subtly become a new version of perfectionism. The more we focus on “fixing” ourselves, the more we reinforce the belief that we’re broken.

The Trauma-Informed Truth About “Productive Healing”

If you grew up in chaos, invalidation, or constant pressure to perform, your brain likely associates rest with danger. Doing something—even if it’s “healing work”—feels safer than sitting still.

This means your nervous system may use healing as a coping mechanism:

• Reading endless trauma books instead of feeling your grief.

• Over-analyzing your attachment style instead of letting someone love you.

• Turning every emotion into a “lesson” instead of letting it just exist.

Healing can become another way of avoiding discomfort—a form of emotional control disguised as self-awareness.

Signs You Might Be Using Healing to Avoid Healing

• You feel guilty when you’re not “working on yourself.”

• You chase the next retreat, program, or modality, hoping this one will “finally fix it.”

• You intellectualize feelings instead of allowing them.

• You’re always focused on self-improvement but rarely on self-acceptance.

It’s not about shame—it’s about noticing how your nervous system seeks safety through doing instead of being.

What True Healing Actually Looks Like

Real healing often feels slower, quieter, and—honestly—a little boring. It’s not always profound insight or emotional breakthroughs. It’s nervous system regulation, emotional presence, and self-trust.

True healing sounds like:

“I can sit with my discomfort without rushing to fix it.”“I don’t need to analyze every emotion.”“I’m learning to rest without guilt.”

This kind of healing honours your body’s pace, not the internet’s version of growth.

Gentle Practices to Come Back to Yourself

1. Practice “Non-Doing”- Take 5 minutes daily to do nothing—no journaling, no scrolling, no self-work. Just breathe and notice sensations.

2. Check In With Your Body- Ask yourself: “What am I feeling right now?” If you can’t answer, that’s okay—start by noticing physical cues like tension or warmth.

3. Shift From Fixing to Feeling- Instead of “What’s wrong with me?” try “What needs compassion right now?”

4. Ground in Connection- Sometimes healing requires relational safety, not solo work. A trauma-informed therapist can help you learn co-regulation and emotional trust.

If healing exhaustion affects your sleep, hormones, or digestion, our nurse practitioner can help you explore how chronic stress impacts the body.

Healing Isn’t a Hustle

You are not behind. You don’t need to earn rest or prove progress. Sometimes, the most radical act of healing is to stop trying so hard to heal.

If you’re ready to explore a gentler, sustainable way to heal—without burnout—you can book a free 15-minute consultation with one of our trauma-informed therapists. Together, we’ll help you reconnect with your body’s pace and redefine what healing really means.