The Stages of Grief Aren’t Linear—Here’s What to Expect Instead

Grief is not a checklist. It’s not five neat steps you walk through and come out “healed” on the other side. It’s messy, nonlinear, and deeply personal.

If you’ve ever found yourself wondering, “I already felt acceptance—why am I back in denial?” or “Why do I feel angry again after weeks of feeling okay?” — you’re not doing grief wrong. You’re simply human.

The idea that grief moves in predictable stages—denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance—was never meant to be a rigid formula. In fact, even Elisabeth Kübler-Ross, who first introduced this model, later clarified that these were not meant to be steps people “complete” in order. Instead, they were emotional experiences that many people might move through at different times.

Here’s what grief really tends to look and feel like—and how to meet yourself with compassion through it all.

Grief Moves Like Waves, Not Steps

One moment you’re laughing at a memory, the next you’re crying in the grocery store. Then you’re numb. Then you feel strangely “normal” for a few days. Then angry again.

Grief doesn’t ask for permission. It doesn’t follow a calendar or fit into phases.

You might feel:

• Numbness in the beginning, like you’re watching your life from the outside

• Anger at people who mean well but say the wrong thing, or at the person you lost

• Sadness that feels bottomless, even on “good” days

• Guilt over things said or unsaid, done or not done

• Relief (which can feel confusing and wrong, especially after a long illness or complicated relationship)

• Laughter that feels like betrayal, or like a moment of oxygen in all the pain

And these can all cycle through again and again, often when you least expect it.

Why the “Stages” Still Show Up—But Differently for Everyone

The five stages of grief can still be helpful as a language for what you're feeling. But they're not a roadmap—they're more like common emotional landmarks.

Some people skip stages. Others feel them out of order. Some stay in one for a long time, and others move between them in a single day.

What matters most is not ticking off boxes—but making space for whatever shows up.

Every emotion has a message. Anger might be a boundary you never got to set. Sadness might be your love with nowhere to go. Numbness might be your body protecting you from overwhelm.

What Grief Really Needs: Safety, Support, and Slowness

There is no timeline. No rush. No “getting over it.”

What helps is:

• Permission to feel without judgment. You’re not too emotional. You’re not grieving wrong.

• Rituals of remembrance, like lighting a candle, writing a letter, or carrying a photo

• Nervous system support, like breathwork, grounding exercises, or quiet walks

• Community, even if that’s just one safe person who listens without trying to fix

• Patience with yourself on the days when functioning feels hard, or grief sneaks up uninvited

The world may expect you to “move on.” But healing doesn’t mean forgetting. It means integrating. It means learning how to carry what you've lost without it consuming you.

You Don’t Have to Grieve Alone

If grief feels like too much—or not enough if you're confused by how you're reacting, or exhausted by trying to hold it all together, know this:

You’re not broken. You’re grieving. And that’s a full-body, full-heart process that deserves gentleness and care.

If you’re moving through grief and need support, I’m here. Book a free consultation today to talk about where you are and what kind of care might feel most supportive for you. Grief doesn’t follow a script, but you don’t have to walk it alone.