Why Saying “I’m Fine” Doesn’t Fool Your Nervous System

We’ve all done it. Someone asks how you are, and you respond automatically: “I’m fine.” But inside, your heart is racing. Your chest feels tight. You can barely catch your breath.

You might even believe the words for a second—until your body reminds you that you’re not actually okay.

If you’ve ever wondered why you can’t just “think” yourself into calm, here’s the truth: your nervous system doesn’t speak English. It speaks sensation, energy, and safety cues. And when there’s a mismatch between your words and your body’s experience, your body always wins.

The Mind-Body Disconnect: When Words and Biology Clash

Your prefrontal cortex (the logical, language-based part of your brain) might say, “Everything’s fine.”But your amygdala (your emotional threat detector) might still be screaming, “We’re not safe!”

When those two systems don’t align, your nervous system doesn’t get the memo that things are okay—it only registers your body’s internal signals.

That’s why you can look calm on the outside but feel anxious, tense, or dissociated on the inside. It’s not that you’re dramatic or broken—it’s that your body is doing its job, protecting you from what it perceives as danger.

Why “I’m Fine” Is a Survival Strategy

For many people—especially women and trauma survivors—“I’m fine” becomes a reflex. It’s a way of staying safe in environments where vulnerability wasn’t met with care or support.

Saying “I’m fine” can mean:

• “I don’t feel safe enough to share what’s really going on.”

• “I don’t want to be a burden.”

• “I’m scared of being judged or dismissed.”

• “If I admit I’m struggling, I might fall apart.”

It’s not lying—it’s protecting. But over time, that emotional suppression teaches your nervous system that you can’t trust others with your truth—or even trust yourself to feel it.

What Happens in Your Body When You Suppress Emotions

When you hold it all in, your body carries what your words can’t.

You might notice:

• Tension in your jaw, shoulders, or chest

• Digestive issues or nausea (a sign your body is in fight-or-flight)

• Chronic fatigue or brain fog

• Trouble sleeping because your system never fully relaxes

Suppressing emotions doesn’t make them disappear—it just stores them in the body until they’re processed safely.

How to Let Your Body Know You’re Safe

1. Start by Noticing, Not Fixing

When you catch yourself saying “I’m fine,” pause and check in:

What’s my body saying right now? Do I feel tight? Numb? Jittery?

Naming what you feel brings awareness without judgment—and helps your nervous system begin to regulate.

2. Practice Co-Regulation

Our bodies calm through connection. Talking to someone safe, being hugged, or even hearing a soothing tone can signal safety faster than self-talk alone.

If you’re not ready to talk, even spending time near supportive people or pets can help.

3. Pair Words With Regulation

When you say “I’m fine,” but you’re not, pair the phrase with grounding: feel your feet on the floor, unclench your jaw, or place a hand over your heart. This teaches your brain that safety comes from body awareness, not avoidance.

4. Relearn Emotional Safety

Therapy can help you build tolerance for expressing emotions and being seen in your authentic state—without fear of rejection or collapse. Over time, this helps your nervous system recognize that truth and safety can coexist.

When “Fine” Becomes a Habit

If you’ve spent years holding it together, it can feel terrifying to not say “I’m fine.”But remember: letting yourself be real isn’t weakness—it’s repair.

Your nervous system can relearn what calm actually feels like. It just needs safety, not silence.

A Gentle Reminder

You don’t have to pretend your way to peace. You can’t logic your body into safety—but you can teach it safety, one honest breath at a time.

And if you’re noticing that “I’m fine” has become your automatic armour, therapy can help you unlearn the pattern and rebuild trust in your body’s signals.

You can book a free 15-minute consultation with one of our therapists to explore how your nervous system responds to stress, emotion, and connection—and start finding real safety, not just the illusion of it.