Why Self-Love Feels So Hard (And How to Start Practicing It)

We talk about self-love like it’s a switch you can flip. Just love yourself, right?

But if you’ve ever tried, you know: it’s not that simple.

Maybe you look in the mirror and feel nothing. Maybe your inner critic is loud, cruel, and relentless. Maybe deep down, you don’t believe you’re worthy of love in the first place.

So if self-love feels hard, you’re not broken. You’re human. And there’s a reason it feels this way.

1. You Were Taught That Love Has to Be Earned

For many of us, love growing up was conditional.

You got praise when you achieved. Attention, when you were pleasing. Care when you didn’t take up too much space.

That teaches your brain that you have to do something to deserve love, not just be.

💡 Try this: Challenge the idea that love is transactional. Start telling yourself: “I don’t have to earn my worth—I already have it.”

2. Your Inner Voice Is a Mirror of the Past

If your inner critic sounds like a parent, teacher, or past partner, that’s no coincidence. We absorb the voices around us, especially the critical ones. Over time, we internalize

them as “truth.”

💡 Try this: When that voice shows up, pause and ask: “Whose voice is this really?” Then speak back to it, gently. “I don’t need to talk to myself like that anymore.”

3. You Think Self-Love Means Loving Everything About Yourself

But self-love isn’t about perfect confidence or toxic positivity. It’s not about loving your every trait, flaw, or photo.

It’s about choosing to treat yourself with care, even on the days you don’t feel lovable.

💡 Try this: Instead of “I love everything about me,” try “I’m learning to be kind to myself, even when I’m struggling.”

4. You’ve Spent So Long Focused on Others

If you’ve been a chronic people-pleaser, caregiver, or peacekeeper, turning inward can feel unnatural—or even selfish.

But self-love doesn’t take love away from others. It expands your capacity to give it freely, without resentment or burnout.

💡 Try this: Start asking yourself each day, “What do I need right now?” Small acts of self-tuning build self-trust.

5. You’re Still Healing

Sometimes we expect self-love to grow before we’ve even addressed the wounds underneath.

But it’s hard to love yourself when you’re still carrying pain that says you’re not enough. This is where therapy can be transformative.

💡 Try this: Be honest about what’s unhealed. Say to yourself, “I don’t have to be fully healed to be worthy of love today.”

Final Thoughts: Self-Love Is a Practice, Not a Destination

Self-love isn’t a one-time achievement. It’s a slow, daily decision to show up for yourself with care, patience, and honesty.

Some days it will feel easier than others. That’s okay. You don’t have to do it perfectly. You just have to keep choosing yourself, even when it feels hard.

If you’re ready to stop self-abandoning and start rebuilding that inner relationship, therapy can help.

Book a free consultation today. The journey to self-love is yours—and you don’t have to walk it alone.